Farewell, Old Friend

When we met, it felt like fate. I was looking for a fluffy hooded jacket and there you appeared on one of the five racks my local Target seemingly grudgingly allots to plus size clothes, and in one of my favorite clothing colors to boot. I tried you on, olive green and cozy, and immediately fell in love. But all things come to an end, and now you have as well.

This parting has been a long time coming, as over the years you have been slowly decaying. First, months after we met, one of the buttons on your hood popped off. I always meant to give you a new one, but never got around to it and just lived with having to hold your hood up in strong winds.

Then it was your snaps, were one by one giving way and disappearing under the duress of the repeated fastening and unfastening of daily wear.

Your first drastic injury was the split up your back which I kept putting off sewing shut until finally on New Year’s Eve Eve I felt an odd sensation getting into the car after work and realized you had torn up to the middle of my back. I spent the night frantically sewing you as best I could because I knew I would have trouble replacing you, partly because I’m picky and partly because retail’s season ahead nature and my plus sized body meant my options would likely be limited. I didn’t want to replace you anyway, because I’m the kind of person who gets too attached to inanimate things.

We had spent four winters together. Your body sheltered me from the cold. Your sleeves accepted my tears without question. Your massive fluffy hood brought me a lot of joy in its oversized ridiculousness. Your long length allowed for deep pockets that let me go on winter adventures without a purse, as everything I needed fit neatly inside. (I apparently wrote about one such adventure in the first year of this blog.)

The next day I ventured into a mall for the first time since the pandemic started only to come up empty handed. I was okay with it, though. I hoped that sewing up the back would help you last the rest of the winter and then I could lay you to rest and buy a new coat next fall. But that was not to be.

It started with a tiny hole next to the right side pocket that I really didn’t pay very much mind to. Such a little hole didn’t seem poised to become a huge problem. But then as I settled myself in the seat of my car one night after work in late February I heard a ripping sound and felt something tear by my right hip. When I got home, I inspected the damage. I considered sewing this tear as well, just to get me through the last month of winter, but had a feeling that it would just pop open again and again considering how the hole wanted to gape open when you were worn. I resigned myself to your immediate retirement.

I luckily have a peacoat that I wore instead of you, for the last few weeks of cold weather, but it isn’t as warm and it made me mourn you even more. When I seek a new coat next winter I will likely have to settle for something lesser and it somehow doesn’t feel fair. I have loved you immensely, as silly as it feels to admit it, and I am very sorry to see you go.

I suppose it is lucky that one of my most significant pandemic losses (besides, you know, a year of my life) was “just” a coat. But you were never just a coat to me.

Things I Shouldn’t Wear: A Lookbook

Hello, my name is Krys and I am a fat woman. I don’t use that term in a self-pitying way, it’s just a descriptor for the shape of my body. I’m fortunate that I generally don’t interact with people who make disparaging comments about my size, but posting pictures of myself on social media means risking that happening. Back in the summer, I posted a picture of myself in an outfit that I thought was really cute and received a comment from a man (because it’s often men who feel the need to voice negative thoughts about women’s bodies) saying something like “that’s disgusting.” It didn’t bother me because honestly, the negative opinions of anonymous internet people mean nothing to me. But it did inspire me to put together a plus size fashion lookbook featuring outfits that some people might think I shouldn’t wear as a fat person, but that I have totally worn anyway. It took me months to finally get around to it, but finally here we are!

I styled all of these outfits as I would wear them out of the house were there not a pandemic, down to accessories and makeup. Also, these photos are unedited, except for cropping them because shooting photos alone is tricky and I wound up with way too much headroom, lol.

OUTFIT 1: Easy, Breezy, Summery

WHY I SHOULDN’T WEAR IT: A bit of my stomach is showing, plus I’m exposing a lot of leg and upper arm, body parts that overweight people often feel self conscious about.

So let’s start with the outfit that kicked everything off, this crop top and shorts combo, which was really just an experiment for a warm summery day spent hanging around at home. For ages I didn’t understand why companies made crop tops in plus sizes, but I like the fit of this one a lot. However, it does have the unfortunate habit of riding up in the front, because my stomach is larger than my bust, which is why I usually wear this top with a high waisted skirt. I did make one improvement over the version of this outfit I posted in the summer and that is the belt. I bought these shorts a couple summers ago in the size 24 I buy all my pants in, but because clothing sizes make no sense they turned out to be a bit too big. The belt holds up the shorts so I don’t show more belly than I want to in an everyday outfit. (I love this belt, btw, because it is reversible! I’m wearing it brown side out here, but usually wear it black with my work pants.)

OUTFIT 2: Let’s Go For a Swim

WHY I SHOULDN’T WEAR IT: A fat woman in a two piece bathing suit that exposes her midriff? Preposterous!

I hopped on the “fatkini” trend before I gave in to crop tops because I was sick of hanging around waiting for damp tankini fabric to dry. It just can get kind of clammy and gross. I like a skirt bottom not because I’m self conscious about my hips/butt, but because I just think it’s cute! This top and bottom were both bought at Torrid a few years ago. The top is maybe a little too cleavage-y to wear at a pool where children might be, but no one has criticized me to my face yet. The top does ride up on me in the front because it’s in that “long line bra” style, but I appreciate that it isn’t a halter top because so many swimsuits are built that way and I haven’t found a way to wear one without being strangled.

OUTFIT 3: I’d Wear This On a Date If There Wasn’t a Plague

WHY I SHOULDN’T WEAR IT: Horizontal stripes! And also here are my legs again.

I’m a big lover of stripes, and there was a point in my life where I had so many I had to literally make a rule that I couldn’t buy any more. This particular top is about decade old and it’s got this button detailing on the long cuffs that I just adore. The skirt is a newer acquisition from Torrid and I love the slightly vintage vibe to it and that it has pockets. Some people may think that blue and red is a weird color combination, but I’m quite fond of it and wear it often. I think this particular outfit would also be cute with some black tights and boots, but I felt showing my legs was more thematically appropriate for this post.

OUTFIT 4: Glam Time!

WHY I SHOULDN’T WEAR IT: It’s very tight and look! There are my upper arms and legs!

Because of the size differential between my stomach and my bust I struggle with dresses sometimes, but this one is thankfully not awkwardly loose in the bust. I love this teal color and gravitate towards it a lot, especially for fancy party clothes. I would absolutely wear tights with this if I was going to be leaving my house in it because it is so short there is a serious risk of flashing people, but even with tights I consider this the sexiest dress I own. It’s still relatively modest though thanks to the bars of fabric across the neckline. A funny story about this dress is that one time I was wearing it while out with friends and one of them looked at me and said, “It looks like your boobs are in prison.”

So if by now it isn’t apparent to you, I’m a big believer in wearing whatever it is you want to and feel comfortable in. Some people spend way too much of their time policing the things other people wear when it really isn’t any of their fucking business. I just thought that maybe posting these outfits might help someone else to realize, “if that person can wear that thing I’ve been wanting to try then I can too, regardless of what assholes want to say!”

In many aspects of life I have yet to master the art of not giving a fuck about other people’s opinions, but when it comes to clothing, I’m pretty much there. So why not try something new you’ve been wanting to try?

My Cosplay History!

Ever since I got back from Anime Boston, I’ve been wanting to do a post about the cosplays I’ve done so far. (Well, actually, fun fact, this is the post I wanted to write the week of the con, but I didn’t have time due to travel prep, etc.) I’m not nearly so prolific or skilled as any of my friends who cosplay, but I’ve done some good work over the years (and, in all honesty, some really, really bad) and I want to share it with all of you!

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A babby, with the Staryu that still hangs on her wall.

2009 — Misty (Pokemon): I didn’t call this Misty costume a cosplay at the time (not sure I even knew the word then?), but thinking back, it really was my first one. For years my high school held an event for seniors at the local bowling alley called “Midnight Bowling” (actually held from 10pm to midnight). The tradition was for each lane to dress up in costumes around whatever theme they wanted, with costume prizes awarded at the end of the night. My friends and I dressed up as the gym trainers from the first Generation of Pokemon. No one seemed to understand who we were; a fellow student asked me if I was Ash, and I wasn’t sure if they were being sarcastic. (If you’ve watched my YouTube at all, you may recognize Staryu from my art wall! We cut our characters’ distinctive Pokemon out of cardboard for props.)

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All of the pictures from this night are blurry and dark, because bowling alleys are blurry and dark.

Most of this costume was borrowed — my shirt was a friend’s graphic tee turned inside out and I borrowed the suspenders from my older brother’s girlfriend even though they were the wrong color because I didn’t have the means to get red ones. My hair was the wrong color and way too short to do a proper ponytail. At least my bag was red! And we had a fun night bowling together, as I recall. (If you’re curious, no, we did not place in the costume contest and the group that took first place was a group of boys where one dressed as a pimp and the rest dressed in drag. Tells you a lot about my high school, doesn’t it?)

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Oh no.

AnimeNext 2009 — Lucas (Mother 3 / Smash Bros.): This Lucas cosplay was a travesty. My friends and I decided to cosplay characters from Super Smash Bros. Brawl, but their alternate color versions. I don’t know why I went along with this instead of doing my own thing, since my friends were cosplaying characters recognizable regardless of color palette (Fox and Pit), whereas without his red and yellow shirt, Lucas is just a random small blond child. I had never worn a wig before, and we styled it the morning of the con. Instead of, I dunno, buying a striped shirt, I painted stripes on a white shirt, using masking tape to mark them off. Except, surprise, the blue fabric paint bled under the tape, so I tried to fix it with white paint, and it was just a huge mess. The only thing I like about this is my Rope Snake! I sewed him by hand out of an old t-shirt, and I think I still have him in the attic.

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Me with two Dark Magician cosplayers, because I have always been, and will always be, YuGiOh trash.

AnimeNext 2010 (Female Trainer from FireRed/LeafGreen): This is probably my favorite work! I did a lot of sewing work on this one, hemming a skirt I bought on eBay, making the blue shirt, altering a t-shirt into the black undershirt, attaching the red parts to a borrowed hat, and making the bag entirely from scratch. I bought some fabric, decided what dimensions I wanted, and went from there.

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I don’t do “angry face” very well, lol.

I wasn’t satisfied with the shirt though, so when I eventually brought this costume to Anime Boston in 2011 and 2012, I just wore a blue tanktop. By the time I brought it to AB I’d also resewn the felt onto a properly white hat, and I might’ve just worn red Converse with my leg warmers too, because I remember at one point the fabric top of the shoes mysteriously shrank and became very uncomfortable to wear (I don’t think it’s that my feet got swollen, because even though I’m fat, none of that fat is in my feet).

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Hauled this bad boy out of storage for its closeup, since it’s not properly shown in any of my pics!

The bag held up remarkably well through the three different cons I brought it to, although it’d need patching/remaking to put it to heavy, all-day convention use again. The skirt also no longer fits, and I want another try at doing the top properly. And I guess if I was gonna do this costume thoroughly, I’d have to get a really long brown wig, but I don’t like wearing them, so probably I won’t. Maybe I should get my act together and try and revive this for AB next year?

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Spooooky.

AnimeNext 2011 — Bosses from Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker: This is the most impressive cosplay I’ve done by far, and getting to do it with a group of friends made it super fun! It definitely wouldn’t have been possible if I didn’t have friends that were waaaay more artistic than I am. One or two of them (or three? my memories have faded) did up the designs, we acquired our individual materials, and then worked together to get the costumes done. It was a very collaborative effort; most of the costumes were worked on by more than one person, at least a little. For instance, I vividly remember painting that lantern brown. Someone was usually playing Wind Waker in the background while others worked on costumes — this summer is definitely when I fell in love with this game.

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Another friend of ours dressed as Link.

I portrayed the boss of the Forbidden Woods, Kalle Demos. We used an old dress of mine as the base, and the sleeves are from a high school graduation gown that someone still had. The flower around the neck, is actually just a collar, so the whole outfit is relatively easy to put on, although I remember having trouble with the hat slipping around. I still have this one in the back of my closet, and last I checked it still fits! I’d wear it again, but doesn’t really make sense out of context. (If you want a look at the official art of the rest of the bosses, I’ve got a link for you here.)

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“And then I said, ‘OATMEAL? Are you CRAZY?'”

AnimeNext 2012 — Pinkie Pie (MLP): I had a very brief My Little Pony phase between 2011 and 2012. I originally tried to have this costume together for Anime Boston 2012, I even brought it to the con, but when I started putting it on, it just didn’t feel right, so I decided to revise it before wearing it. Part of that was restyling the twintailed wig I’d bought into a single ponytail, which was a mistake because it was incredibly uncomfortable to have all that weight in the back and the wig kept slipping back on my head.

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Ta-da!

I honestly wasn’t too crazy about this costume overall, except for the bag, which I sewed by hand again. This one worked out a little better than the Pokemon bag, because I made the strap wider and the bag smaller. I really felt that my costume was kind of mediocre, especially because my friends did AMAZING cosplays for this con. It made me not want to cosplay anymore, because I just felt that my crafting skills just weren’t up to snuff, and I didn’t feel invested enough in cosplaying/going to cons to put the money/effort/time into improving. After Pinkie Pie, I didn’t cosplay for six years. Which brings me to….

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2018 — Ariel (The Little Mermaid): This was a dream costume of mine. I’d even researched how I could do it back when I was more seriously into cosplaying. But this year for Halloween I was hosting a costume party at my house, and I saw Torrid carrying this dress, and the rest was history. I brought this to Anime Boston 2018 as well, and it was a big hit! If you want to read more about this costume, check out my post about the Halloween party, since I’ve already blathered on long enough in this post.

So there’s my cosplay history! I have some cosplays I’d maybe like to do in the future, but, again, it’s a matter of having the energy/skill/creativity to pull them off. Plus, I’ve kind of gotten too accustomed to just wearing comfortable clothes at cons (aka, the one con I go to annually) to feel much desire to go fussing about with cosplay again. So we’ll see what happens in the future!

–Krys

A Week of Work Outfits (1/8-1/12/18)

When I was younger I was always super jealous of girls who were able to easily get cute clothes. I’ve been plus size since high school, and back then I just didn’t have the spending money or physical access to fully outfit myself the way that I wanted to. Luckily, I live in the future now and have a job that allows me to pay my bills and also occasionally buy cute clothes. My wardrobe has gotten to a place where I’m pretty pleased with it, and I thought it would be fun to do a series of outfit photos showing what I wear in a typical week at work.

Even though I was planning to do a blog post, I didn’t plan my outfits any more precisely than I normally would’ve. In fact, this turned out to be a week where I had a really bad cold, so I was really just trying to be as comfortable and work appropriate as possible. The cold is the same reason I covered my face in all the pictures — I really looked like an exhausted mess, and spent every day waiting to go home and crawl into bed, lol.

I’ll link what I can (#notspon), but I’ve had some of this clothing for a long time, so it’s not all available anymore.

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Monday!

Welcome to the bathroom at my office! The landlords of our building have been really throttling our heat this winter – no matter how much we fiddle with the thermostats it’s still pretty chilly. So I’ve been trying to dress warmly. This sweater dress is from Torrid’s Outlander collection. It’s maybe a size too big on me, but by the time it arrived it was sold out so I couldn’t exchange it. The bigness really only makes it more snuggly anyway. The weird cloak/cowl thing around the neck is kind of annoying (it also goes around the back and I have a hard time making it lie flat back there), but it’s not too annoying to live with.

I got my boots from Payless two or three years ago. Because I’m plus size and also have short legs for my height, it can be tricky for me to find boots, but these ones are good. My leggings are from Forever 21. I love them so much that I actually have extra brand new pairs in the bottom of my drawer in case they ever discontinue them. I only wash my hair every other night, and I’ll often use headbands to distract people from my greasy hair.

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Tuesday!

I feel super fortunate to work at a law firm that allows us to wear jeans and sneakers! My top is one I bought at Torrid during the summer – it has a cute lace detail on the shoulders and upper back, but you can’t see because of my cardigan, which is from Forever 21. I’m wearing a basic grey tank top from Walmart under my shirt because while the shirt isn’t see thru, it is a sliiightly more low cut than is office appropriate. I wore a pair of my favorite Torrid jeans. It was very cold this particular week, so I would’ve worn sneakers with this outfit instead of these Walmart flats, but we had a client coming in, so I figured I should wear more professional shoes.

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Wednesday!

On this day we were hosting a meeting with a bunch of attorneys from other offices (a deposition, if you’re down with law lingo). So I figured even though I was sneezing like crazy, I should dress up a little. None of the attorneys ever told me that I should look nice for depositions, but I figure that a lot of times I’m the only staff member that visitors will really see, so if I look good, it makes the firm look good. Dresses and leggings are my go-to for looking nice at work, because it’s just very comfortable, while still being presentable. Here I’m wearing an old dress from Torrid, another pair of the leggings I mentioned above, and the Walmart flats again. The pinned back hair is another way I make my hair look nice when it needs a wash.

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Thursday!

This is just a basic casual work outfit. These jeans are the same Torrid jeans I wore earlier in the week, only in grey. My top is from Torrid as well. I didn’t realize until I uploaded the picture to my computer, but the thin horizontal black and white stripes photograph horribly (or create “noise,” to use a term I learned in my college TV production classes). So sorry if this picture is hurting your eyes, lol. My sweater is an oldie from Forever 21 and my Converse are actually cheap knockoffs from Target.

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Friday!

Finally! We’ve survived the week. I was just super worn out by this point from illness and general work stuff, so I picked an outfit that was as close to pajamas as humanly possibly. Here again we have Forever 21 leggings and the Walmart flats. This cute, bird print dress is the only thing I’ve ever bought from Asos and it’s very comfortable. My half ponytail is probably the hairstyle I use the most on hairwashing days.

So that’s it! I hope you’ve enjoyed this peek into my wardrobe. I definitely think it was a fun idea, and I’ll probably do another one in the spring or summer, to show off the warm weather side of my work wardrobe, so stay tuned for that!

Forest Green Torrid Haul

As a plus size woman, it can be tough to find clothes that I like. For the past couple of years Torrid has seriously been my jam, ever since I got a job that allowed me to have some free money after my bills. Because let’s face it, quality clothing costs more money, but also plus size women also pay a sort of “fat tax” in the sense that many of our options cost more money than similar straight size options. I’m assuming this is because companies know they can get away with it because of our overall lack of options. For instance, one time a few years ago, I was looking at plus size jeans on Old Navy’s website (because like many retailers they don’t carry their extended sizes in physical stores) and I realized they cost TWICE AS MUCH as as the straight size jeans. To say I was livid is an understatement.

But I digress. This is a post about some of my recent Torrid purchases. I had some Haute Cash coupons so I treated myself to a few things. It wasn’t until I started to receive my items in the mail that I realized that I had accidentally only purchased items that were forest green. I’m not complaining — I like the color, and it looks good on me, especially because my hair is usually some reddish color. But I just thought it was a funny coincidence! So here’s what I got!

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First up we have the Plaid Print Embroidered Tunic Top! I had concerns about the neck being too low to wear to work, but it’s not. I also had concerns that the elastic under the bust wouldn’t be flattering on me, because sometimes a detail like that isn’t, but it turned out fine! For reference, I bought this top in Torrid’s size 2, which is supposedly somewhere around the average 2X. I’d say the fit is pretty good, not too large.

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The back dips a little as well, but not as low as some other tops I’ve seen from Torrid. I styled this with one of my favorite pairs of jeans (also from Torrid) and some flats, which you can’t see, because I’m still figuring out how to photograph outfits by myself. My office allows us to wear jeans, so this would definitely be a good work outfit for me! But the top covers my butt, so I’d definitely feel comfortable wearing it with a pair of leggings on the weekend as well.

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If you’re wondering where the “embroidery” part of the name comes from, look no further than the little bit of lacy nonsense along the collar and next to the buttons.

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Next we have the Olive Cinched Front Jersey Fluted Skater Dress. God I’m glad this isn’t a video, that’d be a real mouthful! This is another one that I got in size 2, and it’s a little loose, but also sometimes Torrid’s clothes in this material shrink a little in the wash. We’ve got another v-neck here, but once again, it’s not too low to wear to work without a tank top underneath. I’ve paired it with a pair of my favorite basic Forever 21+ leggings, but I’d say it’s almost too long to wear with leggings without looking a little weird. But, again, I’m expecting this to shrink a little, and also if I want to get any wear out of this before spring, I’m gonna need leggings under it (assuming NJ actually gets to have winter this year with all this damn global warming).

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Speaking of wearing things with this dress — I definitely would wanna wear a cardigan with this for work. That cutout in the back isn’t low enough to show my bra, but it’s still big enough to feel a little risky for a professional setting. A lot of Torrid’s clothes seem to have this problem where the front will look totally nice, and then the back is super low, or cutout, or made of strings or lace, which I’m super not into, because for the most part I prefer for my bra to not show in my clothes.

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You can’t see it in any of the other pictures, but I paired this dress with a gold headband I have that I got at Icing awhile ago. I just really love green and gold together!

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This is probably my favorite thing I got — they call it the Olive Green Jersey Knit Button Front Shirt Dress. I’ve bought and loved a bunch of tops from Torrid in a style similar to this (they usually call it a babydoll top) so naturally I jumped on this when I saw it, especially in this color! I picked this up in a 2, but probably wear a 1 because the neckline is kind of scoop-y and the fabric is kind of loose. I kept wearing it for the rest of the day after I photographed this haul and repeatedly noticed my bra was sticking out a little because it had slid around / down. I’d forgotten that this was an issue with 1 or 2 of the babydoll tops I own, or else I probably would’ve sized down when I purchased this. But it’s not really that bad, and still cute, so I’m not sending it back!

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I think this would be a cute dress for a date! It’s nice and flowy, and not too over the top. I matched it with some tights and my favorite pair of boots. I pulled my hair into a half ponytail, because it’s a cute style on me. (But you can’t see it because, again, I didn’t frame my photos that great. I’ll do better next time!)

Lastly I bought a couple of things that you won’t get to see me try on (unless you are a cute, nice guy from northeastern NJ, in that case, hit me up and let’s be friends and maybe date).

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First up we have this Microfiber Mesh Back Hipster Panty. Ever since I discovered them this spring, I’ve been slowly amassing a collection of different colors of these to use for my “sexy” underwear. Previously I did have underwear that I felt okay about guys seeing, but nothing that I felt was really flirty or sexy. Not being in the Victoria’s Secret demographic really has cut me out of a lot of what I would consider lingerie and not just underwear. But on a whim I bought a couple of pairs of Torrid’s stretchy lacy hipster panties in the spring when I had a coupon just to try them, because I was in a relationship and wanted something new and nice to show off, and to my surprise I liked them. And then I got dumped, so no man has actually seen me in a pair of these, but who cares. I still wear them once or twice a week just to do a little something nice for myself.

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This is a lot of talk about a pair of underwear, but hear me out. I thought the lace or the see- through mesh back might be scratchy, but they’re not, just soft and stretchy. I thought the microfiber might feel weird on my parts, but it doesn’t because these are actually lined with cotton. I still don’t wear them more than a day in a row, because there’s microfiber on the other side of that lining and lady parts need cotton to breathe and be healthy. They do sometimes ride up the butt a little, probably because of that ruching you can see in the middle there, but it’s not too bad. I love this style of underwear and when I saw it in this color, I had to snatch it up. I wear a 3 in these, if you were wondering.

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And finally, the last item, a bra to match that underwear. Say hello to my favorite bra, Torrid’s Lace and Microfiber Sexy T-Shirt Bra! I don’t usually wear matching underwear — it just feels weird somehow so I tend to mix and match. So I may not ever wear this with the matching bottoms. But again, it’s a thing that I like in a color that I like, so I wanted to have it. Plus, this spring I was faced with the fact that I had mysteriously lost 10 pounds since the previous spring and as a result my bras were fitting horribly. I’m still slowly replacing my bras with ones that actually fit when there’s sales or I have coupons. (Why are bras so expensive???)

I tend to prefer a “t-shirt” style bra, because the cups are generally smoother under shirts. But a lot of t-shirt bras are freaking boring! I used to buy bras at Lane Bryant and yes their t-shirt bras came in patterns (which I usually thought were ugly anyway), but they never had any frills or lace or anything (and their bras that had that stuff were not a good fit for my boob shape). So I love Torrid’s t-shirt bras because I get to have my smooth cup, but there’s still a little bit of lace for fun!

So that’s it! I didn’t mean to buy all of these green clothes, but I’m excited to wear them out and about. Thanks for reading!

— Krys

(None of the links are affiliate links [obviously]. I just wanted to share where you could get this stuff if you were interested!)